Breaking Down
by JoChryedLover
Summary: What was Alice's reaction when she found out that Edward was going to leave Bella? Edward POV


**Inspired by Stephenie's 'Midnight Sun', I decided to write up a couple of the events in New Moon from Edward's point of view. **

**This is both before and after he decides that it's right to leave Bella, with Alice confronting him after one of her visions.**

**xoxoxo**

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As I somehow made myself walk back to my car, at a speed which would have seemed infuriatingly slow and tedious any other day, I ran back through the conversation Alice and I had had not two days earlier:

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"I can't believe you're going to do this, Edward!" Alice had all but screeched at me. "You can't give up now!"

I sighed. Of course Alice would have seen what I was going to do.

"It's the only thing I can do, Alice. It's the only right thing to do. The only right thing that I've done since Bella walked into my life."

"There are other options, Edward. You know what Bella -"

"Yes," I cut her off. "I know what Bella wants. What you want. What you see in Bella's future. But I...I do not want that for her, Alice. I don't want her to have to be damned with me. I won't allow it. This is the only way."

"You'd rather break her heart?" Alice's tone was the most unkind I had ever heard it. It was also pleading with me to change my mind.

"She will heal, in time."

Alice let out a frustrated growl.

"She won't, Edward. You know that as well as I do. I don't need to be able to see the future to see that she won't survive if you do this. I've seen how she is around you – how you both are around one another. I saw first hand what it did to her when she had to leave you last spring" - I flinched at the memory - "She's not as strong as you give her credit for."

Alice paused then, making me look her in the eye before continuing.

"You wouldn't just be taking away your love, you'd be taking away the love of her whole family. Think of Esme, what this will do to her! You'd be taking away the whole future she had longed for," she pouted, trying to lighten my black mood. "You'd be taking my sister away from me!"

I stood up, an angry growl escaping from my throat. I couldn't remember the last time that I had growled at my favourite sister. I don't think I ever had, up until that point.

"Alice, we are not human! No matter how hard we try, no matter how hard we pretend. I'm tired of pretending, Alice! We're bound to slip up from time to time. What happened with Jasper only proves that. I don't blame him," I added quickly, not wanting to row with Alice. "I really don't. I blame myself entirely. If I'd been stronger, none of this would have happened. If I had been able to let her go, while I still had the chance, there would have been no need for any of this."

"But, look at how much happier you've been since you found her. You're stronger than this, Edward. I know you are."

Lucky Alice. She could trust her future.

"It's my happiness, my selfishness, that got me into this mess in the first place."

"What about your heart Edward?"

"I don't have a heart to break," I sighed, walking towards the glass doors. "Alice, can I ask you to do something for me, please?"

"Of course, Edward."

"No goodbyes. I know it will be hard for you," I continued as she opened her mouth to argue with me. "But I'm thinking of anything that will make this...easier to deal with for Bella. And, please, don't try to look for her future once we're gone. We've already interfered in her life enough as it is."

Alice hung her head in defeat, and I was sure that, along with me, if she could be crying, she would be.

"Thank you," I walked through the double doors to face my future. A future which could not include my Bella, no matter how much I wanted it to.

***

I sighed as I climbed into my car, started the engine, and drove off at a speed which was very clearly inhuman. All the way to the freeway, at the edge of Forks, I fought the urge to even look back in my rearview mirror. As I drove to face my existence without her, the image of Bella Swan's heartbroken face flooded my mind, to remain there for all eternity...


End file.
